I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
