Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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