Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
