definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
