then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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