Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
