How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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