omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
