WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
