I am in a vortex of obligation.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
smell my finger.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
