He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
