Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
