Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
