You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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