I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
