why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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