And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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