I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
third nipple confirmed
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
