No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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