Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
