my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
