My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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