She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
