in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
