"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
