why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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