so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
