I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
