smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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