My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
