So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
