my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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