She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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