WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
