So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize