The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
