Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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