Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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