OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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