i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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