thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
