hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
