I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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