Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
