every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize