Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
