remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
