I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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