You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
