sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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