I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
