things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
