You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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