I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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