I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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