My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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