So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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