Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
