my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
