At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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