Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
