id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
