$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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