I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
