Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
