I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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