The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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