At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
