Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
