my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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