I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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