I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize