if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
