Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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