Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
