I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
