***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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