he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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