im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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