Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
