Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your cock deserves a montage
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
