I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
