at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
